people write the darndest things

"I am a high school student in Butler, PA, and I recently went looking for my first classical album and discovered Don Dorsey. It opened my eyes to the world of classical music."

"Your music has brought many hours of pleasure not only to me, but to my mom, my daughter, and her children. It should be rewarding to know that a 6-year-old comes and asks me to play your tapes and then just sits and gets lost in his own thoughts as he envisions who-knows-what."

"A friend who teaches public school music in Monrovia has her kids request to hear Bachbusters rather than go out to recess!"

"Your 2-Part Invention #10 has forced me to rearrange my stereo; this is not going to be an easy task. Until now I have been able to stack my equipment on top of my speakers, but your recording drives the CD player crazy. Not even the cannons in Telarc's 1812 Overture do that!"

"I would really like for you to tell me which would be the best keyboards to get. I like a lot of options and neat sounds. I also wouldn't mind freaking my mom out by making the sound of large 300 pound rats crawling along the floor. You see, I have a twisted sense of humor. I'd appreciate your help."

"Since purchasing your Bachbusters I have played it almost constantly. If you could send me a pamphlet explaining how you get such wonderful results, I will greatly appreciate it."

"In school we have to do composer reports and Bach was on there but I didn't get him but if I did I would bring your Bachbusters and make them listen to it."

"This is only my third fan letter to a nationally famous artist (Francis Coppola and Frank Zappa are the other two)."

"You'll be happy to know that I'm no longer a synth-o-phobic."

"After reading a review of your album in last month's Keyboard magazine that stated that your work is the stuff that gives synthesizers a bad name, all that I can hope for is that you continue to malign the instrument as successfully in all of your future works."

"Please do Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries. I'm begging."

"Do you answer fan mail or silly questions?"

"You should know that I use your music as both a stimulant and a narcotic."

"I just recently purchased an album from a record store and surprisingly found out it was one of your works."

"Two years later, I heard similar music blasting from someone's pickup. I had to ask the driver what he was listening to. Of course, it was Beethoven or Bust."

"I am the refrigeration mechanic on board this vessel which is conducting a Soviet-American joint survey (high seas salmon-tagging). Your music has opened up a whole new world for me."

"I have been enjoying your album Beethoven or Bust. Why do you include an automobile crash at the end of track #4? As I enjoy your disc at high volume, I must race to the volume control to attenuate before the cacophony strikes, lest the neighbors think an accident has occurred."

"You naughty person. Are you related to Tommy and Jimmy Dorsey? And how dare you use a drum machine!"

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2011 Don Dorsey Consulting